I am not yet unemployed (three months notice period, still a couple of months to go), but I feel unemployed. I think this is the first time I’m dreading the notice period and can’t stand another minute of it. I’m usually very professional and try to keep the same standard of work as if I wasn’t going to leave, but this time is different.
Maybe because I’m going nowhere (yet), because I don’t know what I want to do, what I will do… it feels like this notice period is taking up precious time of holidays and me-time. It doesn’t help that it is also winter and energy levels are so low.
Why the heck did I resign? Well, four years in the same place, doing the same job, without perspective of growth or changing just bores me. I rather do the same thing for four years in four different jobs than stay in the same place for that long. Yet I stayed and now it’s time to go.
Why the heck didn’t I find a new job first? Because I need a break. I need to figure out what I will do, what I want to do, what I can do. I might recycle my knowledge, I might try to learn something new, I might just spend some time with the girls and in the house. I feel like a teenager facing a life changing decision: get a job or go to uni? What career to choose?
The main mistake we do when we “choose” our path is to think that we have to keep going on the same path forever. I consider myself lucky enough to be given the opportunity to stop, think and resume. I might not change anything, but at least I had a choice. I do feel slightly uncomfortable to have a professional conflict at this stage in life, especially when I have a feeling deep inside that there is nothing out there – professionally, I mean – that inspires me or that I have a gift for. I have lots of hobbies, but as soon as I think about a hobby as a way of life, it puts me off.
So until February, I will carry on with the office work, while trying to find some inspiration elsewhere. Then, it’s just time to research a bit and see where I can fit in this world. As I said, I might change nothing and end up in the same place (well, same sort of job but different company at least), but at least I had some reflection time.