Last Sunday, 30th of October, we had our closest friends over for a halloween lunch. It was great to have them all here and made me miss a lot having this type of get together more often. We used to, before we all moved to different locations and had kids, etc. I guess it’s part of maturity: you get a house, raise your family, your priorities change. But there will always be space for family, friendship and fun in life.
On the 30th of October 1996, 15 years ago, I lost my brother. He was 22 years old. I didn’t lose him, actually, he chose to go. No strong reason and i didn’t try to understand then and I don’t try to understand it now. I accept and respect his choice. Ironically, many of the choices I made in my life after that had to do with my brother. Not his death, but his life. He was responsible for introducing me to several bands, films, artists. Because of him I started working in a record company and continued in this area for many many years (I would have chosen advertising agencies if he was alive). Because of him, Europe was in my plans – not necessarily the UK, but maybe France (he was an artist, a painter). Because of him, I look at things differently. I understand things. I know about things. I have no idea how my life would have turned out if he was alive. Of course I would love to have him around. But I don’t suffer. I know that somehow I managed to keep him alive in me and in my life. He is still very much present today as he was 20 years ago.
The only thing I feel sorry about is that my children won’t get to know the amazing uncle they “have”, at least not physically.
Baby Laura sleeping on the way home. So peaceful that I’m sure angels are looking after her in heaven.